And apparently one of mine is procrastination when it comes to my blog. Even now I sit here writing with a movie on, glass of wine poured, and Facebook on my other window tab. Also my iPhone is right next to me because apparently it is too hard for me to shut out the world and just write...is that what our world has become? We all have to be so attached to technology that we can't just turn it off and write. Even our books have become digital. Don't get me wrong, I love my laptop, my phone and my Kobo but sometimes I think we all need to turn off the world and just...be. It's in this time that we discover who we are as individuals. Where we can discover our dreams and desires and what we hope the future will bring us. Whether it's sitting down and escaping in a book, planning a dream trip or just meditating to escape the craziness of the world we live in I am a firm believer that everyone needs time to be alone with themselves and no one else.
Lately I have used this time alone to really think about what I want out of life. Not just with personal issues but with my professional life as well. I have come to a point in my life where I need to be happy with myself and my career and lately I have been finding the latter lacking. Although I won't go into detail right now about the changes I am thinking about I can say they are definitely major and would take my life down a whole new road. Is this scary to me? Absolutely! Can I see past the scared feeling and realize that it may be the best leap I ever take? I'm getting there. Change has always been hard for me whether it's myself that needs to change or the circumstances surrounding me that need change. I think a lot of it comes from low self-esteem in a bad relationship earlier in my life (we don't talk about that anymore..that's looking back at the negative and I don't do that) but all I know is that time in my life gave me many walls and trust issues...both with myself and my relationships..if I have let you into my whole life you are a lucky one and obviously mean the world to me. The walls are a whole other issue..they are there ready for someone to climb over..but at the same time, they are waiting for me to scale them to. Harder than it seems? For sure. Will I do it? Damn straight I will. Just takes a little drive and a whole lot of encouragement from the people that mean the most to me.
The biggest step I've made to getting over fears is to take the leap and go to Europe for a month with some really great friends. I will finally get to visit all those places I love in my dreams. Paris in Winter..check! London when it's most at itself, rainy and grey in March..check! And Tuscany in Spring..check! Will definitely be the trip of a lifetime and even though I am living lean till the time comes to leave it is absolutely worth it. And from this trip comes the start of my new journey..the journey of me..what comes at the end of the trip? Well, that's an answer we're both waiting on...so cheerio, au revoir and ciao for now!!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Yay for Vacay!
Once a year I like to take some time to myself to get away from work and focus on me again. This year when I got my vacation hours and discovered I was up to 135 hours for the year I figured taking the month off would be a great idea. It's not often I get to go where I want, when I want with my work schedule. I have a few little trips in this month starting tomorrow when I leave for Seattle with my Mom for 3 days. It's not often we get to go away just the two of us without any family along for the ride. I have been looking forward to this trip for a few months now and it's finally here. We are staying in a boutique hotel right in the downtown area where we can walk and shop and eat and just have some good Mother/Daughter time. I like to think I will be able to be careful about what I eat but Seattle is a total food city and at heart I am a major foodie. I love trying new places with my Mom because she has the same appreciation for good food that I do. But I am determined to still eat healthy.
Next on my month of "me" time besides finishing up the painting and redecorating of my condo is a Girl's weekend away for my birthday in Victoria with my closest friends and my sister. This is bound to be a weekend of bad food and too many martinis and wine but I am ok with that. I have a month off in which to hit the gym and not be upset about a few days of bad eating.
After that weekend, I am off to Edmonton (the snow better be gone) to see my gorgeous Goddaughters and their parents. Godchild #3 should be there when I get there and I can hardly wait for some hugs from the girls and baby cuddles. All in all, a good month off with lots of time to have some fun with my friends here and get my workout schedule ingrained in my mind so it's just something that occurs without me thinking about it.
Next on my month of "me" time besides finishing up the painting and redecorating of my condo is a Girl's weekend away for my birthday in Victoria with my closest friends and my sister. This is bound to be a weekend of bad food and too many martinis and wine but I am ok with that. I have a month off in which to hit the gym and not be upset about a few days of bad eating.
After that weekend, I am off to Edmonton (the snow better be gone) to see my gorgeous Goddaughters and their parents. Godchild #3 should be there when I get there and I can hardly wait for some hugs from the girls and baby cuddles. All in all, a good month off with lots of time to have some fun with my friends here and get my workout schedule ingrained in my mind so it's just something that occurs without me thinking about it.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Shift work...sh*t work
For anyone who doesn't understand the fun of shift work let me enlighten you. I work 4 nights then have 4 days off. Does this enable me to have a normal eating schedule or exercise routine. In a word...Nope. I do what I have to to make things work but there are times when it is harder to do than others. The ER is an amazing place to work but it can also be the biggest pitfall to getting healthy. Everyday we save people's lives or help them in some way and in return for this we get thanked and rewarded by patients and their families with...FOOD. That's right, we save yourself or family from something and we get chocolates or cookies or doughnuts in return. While we inhale these delicious gifts of thanks we all sit there and think to ourselves "Why couldn't they just bring us some veggies and dip?" or better yet, a card of thanks that we can share with everyone.
On top of these temptations there are the many gift baskets from the specialists at the holidays, themed food nights and the joy of not one, but 4 pick up restaurants and a 24 hr grocery store within a blocks distance of the hospital. This means on nightshifts when we feel like a treat of chips or cookies or candy we just need to walk down the street and get them. You can try as hard as you want to not indulge but there comes a time whether it be after a bad trauma case or just out of boredom from the rare quiet shift that you will inevitably fall victim to the goodies. On my quest to be healthier and keeping in tune with the five small meals a day that I am supposed to be having I have been making my meals ahead of time and taking a bag stocked full of healthy goodies such as veggies, salad, yogurt, nuts and an apple or an orange (the latter two have the same effect as coffee to perk you up btw). I have learned that it takes my own will power to just say no to the sweets and that as long as I have something healthy to munch on and a big waterbottle going on I can avoid them.
It takes a bit of getting used to with sleeping patterns and eating patterns changing every four days but I have found as long as I eat every 4-5 hours while I am awake I can manage this routine...now I just have to get used to the fact that I need to go to the gym everyday that I am off if possible. I am getting there though and it is easier everytime I go now. I actually look forward to my gym time when I can get on the treadmill and hit the machines to destress from the previous week's shifts.
On top of these temptations there are the many gift baskets from the specialists at the holidays, themed food nights and the joy of not one, but 4 pick up restaurants and a 24 hr grocery store within a blocks distance of the hospital. This means on nightshifts when we feel like a treat of chips or cookies or candy we just need to walk down the street and get them. You can try as hard as you want to not indulge but there comes a time whether it be after a bad trauma case or just out of boredom from the rare quiet shift that you will inevitably fall victim to the goodies. On my quest to be healthier and keeping in tune with the five small meals a day that I am supposed to be having I have been making my meals ahead of time and taking a bag stocked full of healthy goodies such as veggies, salad, yogurt, nuts and an apple or an orange (the latter two have the same effect as coffee to perk you up btw). I have learned that it takes my own will power to just say no to the sweets and that as long as I have something healthy to munch on and a big waterbottle going on I can avoid them.
It takes a bit of getting used to with sleeping patterns and eating patterns changing every four days but I have found as long as I eat every 4-5 hours while I am awake I can manage this routine...now I just have to get used to the fact that I need to go to the gym everyday that I am off if possible. I am getting there though and it is easier everytime I go now. I actually look forward to my gym time when I can get on the treadmill and hit the machines to destress from the previous week's shifts.
Friday, April 6, 2012
New Year, New Me
Ok, so technically it is well into the New Year but it is my Birthday this month therefore it is a new year for me! I have decided that this year is the last year I am going to be overweight, unhealthy and unmotivated. I started by going Gluten-free at the beginning of January and it has made me feel great on the inside..now it is time to make me feel great on the outside. I thought it was going to be difficult to go GF but it really hasn't been. I chose to do it to be healthier, not because I couldn't have it. So there are definitely cheats in there once in awhile...usually in the form of a dessert. The next step in my transformation is joining the gym. Thanks to a push from my sister and a great corporate rate at our neighbourhood gym I started going two weeks ago and I am surprisingly LOVING it!!! I used to be really active and athletic in my teens and early twenties but I managed to fall into that trap that so many women do. You know the one...meet a guy, get comfortable, eat crappy and as much as him and start the gain. It's not much at first but all of a sudden 15 years has passed and you have had 2 not so great relationships, a couple career changes, life upheavals in general and you are now 50lbs more than you were before. Not a great feeling at all. I am in no way blaming anyone but myself for this and therefore it can only be me that changes it.
It doesn't help that I come from a family full of weight issues and negative pressures. Don't get me wrong, my family is the world to me and my greatest support system but growing up it is very hard to get past the passive aggresiveness of some family members. Being asked if I want more, then telling me I am looking chubby is not a great confidence booster in a teenage girl already struggling with self confidence issues. To go from a bad relationship in the same time I was going to culinary school probably didn't help either. The joys of food and all that surrounds it is a very hard thing to get past. Not until I left my second relationship and went back to school in healthcare did I realize the damage I was doing to my body with the way I was eating and not exercising. I consider myself a pretty healthy eater now with some allowance for cheats so I don't end up binging on anything I shouldn't be having. It was the exercise part of losing weight and getting healthy again that was a barrier. I just didn't have the energy with a typical crazy healthcare schedule. I now work only nights ( and bring all my snacks pre-made ) and have a consecutive 4 days off in a week that I can get a good active schedule in. My goal is to lose 50-70lbs. I haven't given myself a length of time in which to do this...just until it's done.
I am embarking on this journey for myself and only myself this time...and I think that is why it feels right. I have the support of my family and some amazing friends and with that I am sure I will succeed. Pics will come throughout of my progress..I have been pretty good at eluding the camera from the neck down for the past 10years...I think it's time to stop.
It doesn't help that I come from a family full of weight issues and negative pressures. Don't get me wrong, my family is the world to me and my greatest support system but growing up it is very hard to get past the passive aggresiveness of some family members. Being asked if I want more, then telling me I am looking chubby is not a great confidence booster in a teenage girl already struggling with self confidence issues. To go from a bad relationship in the same time I was going to culinary school probably didn't help either. The joys of food and all that surrounds it is a very hard thing to get past. Not until I left my second relationship and went back to school in healthcare did I realize the damage I was doing to my body with the way I was eating and not exercising. I consider myself a pretty healthy eater now with some allowance for cheats so I don't end up binging on anything I shouldn't be having. It was the exercise part of losing weight and getting healthy again that was a barrier. I just didn't have the energy with a typical crazy healthcare schedule. I now work only nights ( and bring all my snacks pre-made ) and have a consecutive 4 days off in a week that I can get a good active schedule in. My goal is to lose 50-70lbs. I haven't given myself a length of time in which to do this...just until it's done.
I am embarking on this journey for myself and only myself this time...and I think that is why it feels right. I have the support of my family and some amazing friends and with that I am sure I will succeed. Pics will come throughout of my progress..I have been pretty good at eluding the camera from the neck down for the past 10years...I think it's time to stop.
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